I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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