3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
