dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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