will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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