Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
