apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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