Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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