We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..