just come out here and I will go home with you...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk