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• (352): View more from Florida

  New low: just hacked my moms facebook

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair

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• (707): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.

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