I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.