Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
