it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..