Will you blow on my dice?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?