Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.

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  (519): Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone. http://tfl.nu/1akv
  Replies (12) Good night (1250) Bad night (487)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.

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  (816): Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete. http://tfl.nu/oev7
  Replies (20) Good night (4044) Bad night (1359)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

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  (541): I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore http://tfl.nu/6v6s
  Replies (10) Good night (4819) Bad night (572)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.

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  (478): closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college. http://tfl.nu/w89j
  Replies (17) Good night (4298) Bad night (614)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?

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  (646): Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going? http://tfl.nu/kahl
  Replies (12) Good night (2486) Bad night (4408)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family

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  (503): If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family http://tfl.nu/rf5e
  Replies (7) Good night (2956) Bad night (870)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time

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  (785): sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time http://tfl.nu/vv7s
  Replies (8) Good night (2516) Bad night (927)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.

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  (202): After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/vjgb
  Replies (9) Good night (2603) Bad night (928)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
  Replies (21) Good night (3745) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Goddamn tequila

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  (306): I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one (306): Goddamn tequila http://tfl.nu/4ri7
  Replies (5) Good night (2063) Bad night (555)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...

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  (503): Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out... http://tfl.nu/v7xz
  Replies (6) Good night (750) Bad night (497)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.

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  (214): She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor. http://tfl.nu/92v5
  Replies (5) Good night (371) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.

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  (631): Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/mm7p
  Replies (10) Good night (263) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.

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  (306): you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet. http://tfl.nu/iwag
  Replies (2) Good night (752) Bad night (159)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.

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  (978): You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/aomg
  Replies (1) Good night (612) Bad night (220)

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