$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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