Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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