I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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