His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
