the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
