i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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