Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
