Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
