there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
