Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
