Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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