bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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