it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
