I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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