I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
