You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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