she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
