my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
