i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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