I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
