he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
