You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
