I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
