i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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