have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
