I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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