Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
