yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
