I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
