The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
