My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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