What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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