Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
