actually, I'm a sock model
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
