I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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