I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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