apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
