I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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