Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
