thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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