I wannas sexs uuuuu
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
