I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
