fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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