hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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