@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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