i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
