um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
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So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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