Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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