He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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