i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
