im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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