You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
