ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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