apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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