she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize