____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You work out of a Hotel?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder