R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.