You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
