And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
