When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize