i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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