I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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